as [alexa] sees it

alexarae hope
est. 1989
re-est. 2010
residence michigan
sometimes things are better left unsaid.

my sorority mom gave me healthy snack food ideas so i dont gain weight that i cant handle. im gunna try it. 

jay said hed help me by going on more walks with me, eating healthy, and having less junk food in the house. but im glad hes being supportive.

oh and i told my parents. my mom was actually kinda pumped. 

im not ready to gain weight. its so hard. i just remember watching that 16 and pregnant where the girl was anorexic and soo many things with wrong in her pregnacy. but all i keep thinking about was that i was finally fine at the weight i was. and now so many things are happeneing. 

my boyfriend doesnt understand/ its not about looking in a mirror or someone making a comment or anything near that. i feel myself getting fatter. 

this is probably one of the hardest things ive had to do since ive been clean. i know its not about getting fat its about having a healthy baby. 

but im scared. i dont want to get fat. 

Do one thing every day that scares you.
Eleanor Roosevelt (via dirkhanson)

jay and i have been talking a lot of what if the baby is sick like us. what if it becomes an addict too. jeremy said it might and that it has a good chance. it just breaks my heart. i just pray everyday that it will never have to know that pain.

lotus